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grayglacianqueen:
jadelyn:
naamahdarling:
naamahdarling:
peach-tea-rose:
No matter how many times you fail to meet your own expectations, you have to forgive yourself. Despite contrary belief, dwelling on and badgering yourself over your faults doesn’t ever help you grow into who you want to be.
It’s like gardening: if your flower isn’t blossoming like you want it to, you don’t rip out its leaves as punishment for failing to satisfy you. You recognize the problem and figure out what’s going wrong with its environment so you can modify it, giving the flower a chance to bloom in its own time.
Accept your shortcoming or setback, forgive yourself, and figure out what’s going wrong so that you can plan for how to prevent it from repeating in the future. Thank your past self for trying in the first place and then give your future self the love needed to flourish.
I am almost affronted at how good and forgiving this advice is.
Flawless positivity.
Listen.
I read once, don’t remembet where or know if it’s true, that in order to train an animal and to remain good friends with it, you need a 5/1 ratio of positive vs. negative interactions. So for every interaction that the animal considers negative - pilling a cat, for example - you need FIVE positive interactions, such as treats, cuddles, play, or praise if you want to remain on the best possible terms with it.
This applies to your relationship with yourself.
If you aren’t positively interacting with yourself but are instead consistently berating, punishing, or being disgusted with yourself, you are 100% going to have a lot of emotional pain.
You aren’t perfect. Nobody is and nobody should feel like they have to be. You will make mistakes. And contrary to what a lot of folks, self included, seem to believe, being mean to yourself because you think you “deserve” it won’t actually help you learn or becone a better person.
All it does is teach you not to trust yourself, and teach you that you will always disappoint yourself. You take on a toxic relationship with yourself where you play both parts. It’s terrible.
So yes, you HAVE to learn to forgive yourself. You actually cannot grow effectively in the confines of a toxic relationship. Including one you have with yourself.
I know it isn’t easy, I have a hard time too, but it is so, so necessary.
You can’t hate yourself into being happy.
I don’t remember where I read this but it literally changed my life and how I approach growth and personal development. It can be hard to keep in mind sometimes, but it puts it in a way that’s hard to argue with.
Cat, who plays Boblem onnyxrising ‘s Life of the Party D&D show put this beautifully into words, and I cry each time I read these words:
“You know, people are kinda like trees, kinda like a plant. So here’s how I see it: when a plant is not really growing, or if it’s decaying, you don’t get angry at the plant and go ‘why don’t you grow?!’ You try to feed it back into health, you know? And I think it’s the same with people. Instead of getting angry at yourself for things you might not like about you, you should try to nourish yourself. Back into health. Does that make sense?”
grayglacianqueen:
jadelyn:
naamahdarling:
naamahdarling:
peach-tea-rose:
No matter how many times you fail to meet your own expectations, you have to forgive yourself. Despite contrary belief, dwelling on and badgering yourself over your faults doesn’t ever help you grow into who you want to be.
It’s like gardening: if your flower isn’t blossoming like you want it to, you don’t rip out its leaves as punishment for failing to satisfy you. You recognize the problem and figure out what’s going wrong with its environment so you can modify it, giving the flower a chance to bloom in its own time.
Accept your shortcoming or setback, forgive yourself, and figure out what’s going wrong so that you can plan for how to prevent it from repeating in the future. Thank your past self for trying in the first place and then give your future self the love needed to flourish.
I am almost affronted at how good and forgiving this advice is.
Flawless positivity.
Listen.
I read once, don’t remembet where or know if it’s true, that in order to train an animal and to remain good friends with it, you need a 5/1 ratio of positive vs. negative interactions. So for every interaction that the animal considers negative - pilling a cat, for example - you need FIVE positive interactions, such as treats, cuddles, play, or praise if you want to remain on the best possible terms with it.
This applies to your relationship with yourself.
If you aren’t positively interacting with yourself but are instead consistently berating, punishing, or being disgusted with yourself, you are 100% going to have a lot of emotional pain.
You aren’t perfect. Nobody is and nobody should feel like they have to be. You will make mistakes. And contrary to what a lot of folks, self included, seem to believe, being mean to yourself because you think you “deserve” it won’t actually help you learn or becone a better person.
All it does is teach you not to trust yourself, and teach you that you will always disappoint yourself. You take on a toxic relationship with yourself where you play both parts. It’s terrible.
So yes, you HAVE to learn to forgive yourself. You actually cannot grow effectively in the confines of a toxic relationship. Including one you have with yourself.
I know it isn’t easy, I have a hard time too, but it is so, so necessary.
You can’t hate yourself into being happy.
I don’t remember where I read this but it literally changed my life and how I approach growth and personal development. It can be hard to keep in mind sometimes, but it puts it in a way that’s hard to argue with.
Cat, who plays Boblem on
nyxrising ‘s Life of the Party D&D show put this beautifully into words, and I cry each time I read these words:“You know, people are kinda like trees, kinda like a plant. So here’s how I see it: when a plant is not really growing, or if it’s decaying, you don’t get angry at the plant and go ‘why don’t you grow?!’ You try to feed it back into health, you know? And I think it’s the same with people. Instead of getting angry at yourself for things you might not like about you, you should try to nourish yourself. Back into health. Does that make sense?”
