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SOMEONE WENT TO A STAR TREK CONVENTION IN THE 1980’S AS SPOCK AND KIRK’S PENISES I AM NOT MAKING THIS SHIT UP

THEY PERFORMED SPIRK THROUGH INTERPRETIVE DANCE

If you haven’t read the fanlore page yet, here’s an excerpt from the founding mothers of our fandom constitution.

KF: Well, four of us in Phoenix saw that. And, it was PJ, Carol, Donna and I, and thought, well they are so wonderfully entertaining to us, we have to do something back for them. But, y'know, we’re really not singers, we’re really not dancers, what can we do? So we sat around with a bottle of wine cooler. And, I don’t drink, and I said, well, how about if we distill down the basis of the cock of the, ahum, Kirk and Spock— (laughter)

KF, MS: —Freudian slip, Freudian slip! (laughter)

KF: Yes, ah, down to their basics, and how ‘bout if we do a cock show? And—

MS: I have that on tape, too.

KF: I have it too. Luckily Dixie Owen would come with her video machine, and I ended up putting together a video from the two years. But the first year we ended up going there, and we had a huge seven-foot, and a six-foot cock. Kirk of course was a little shorter and thicker, Spock was taller and thinner—

MS: Was very green—

KF: —very green with two, with a double ridge on the top. What we did basically is, we took this foam that was used in couch cushions, very dense foam, and we’d sculpt it with an electric knife—

MS: Electric knife— (laughter and coughing)

KF: —so that we had the proper shapes. Carol, who—a little insider—ended up working doing the— In the beginning, for the Barney TV show? She actually did the animals and things and the costumes for Barney. Anyhow, she was our designer who—

MS: (laughter) Sorry.

KF: —made the fabric that came down from the head all the way down— And then for the balls, we’re thinking, “Well what are we going to use?” And I said, “Well, listen, we gotta carry ‘em on the plane. How about if we use beach balls covered in fabric, ‘cause then we can deflate them.”

MS: Yes.

KF: And then of course we had pipe cleaners for the hair and furry bits.

MS: I remember when you brought them. Oh my god.

KF: And we figure, so we— And I put together a list of songs, and we had little snippets of songs. We started out on the stage with Spock all kind of bent over and just kinda hunched. And he had the little song, y'know, “I am a rock, I am an island.” And of course you hear from off-stage the signs of “Macho Man.”

All: (laughter) (indistinguishable shouts)

KF: —Pick one—

MS: “Macho, macho man"—

KF: —and on the stage Spock goes “Huuunh?” and immediately his two balls come out— (squeals) —yeah, from underneath—

MS: —from underneath, boing!

KF: —and his head starts coming up a little bit, and coming up a little bit, and then the Matt Davis song, “I want you to want me, I want you to need me.”

MS: The entire auditorium was in hysterical—

KF: And then of course the finale is the 1812 Overture climax with the cannons going off!

MS: Complete with, was it—

KF: It was, it was—

MS: —did you use confetti that time?

KF: No, it was white candies wrapped in plas— in cellophane which I then threw up by the handfuls for—

MS: Yeah. Woooo! Multiple overlapping voices: —for the climax.

KF: For the climax, yeah. And, the audience was hysterical.

“Kirk of course was a little shorter and thicker, Spock was taller and thinner-“

I have read this description in a fic on AO3 THIS WEEK. I love fandom.

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