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markingatlightspeed:

raincloudsandsunbeams:

maxanaxam:

tinyqueenusagi-chan:

glumshoe:

The other day I watched a little boy get knocked to the ground by an older kid who was running by. He burst into tears as his mother hurried over.

“Here’s a bandaid for ya,” I said, producing one from my vest pocket.

“Oh, he’s not bleeding, thank you though!”

I lowered my voice and leaned in. “Kids think bandaids are health magic,” I said. “Ask him where it hurts and exploit that placebo effect.”

She did just that, and instantly the kid stopped crying and thanked her. “I’ll have to remember that,” she said.

Children: #HACKED

Also if you have a crying kid give them a cup of water. You can’t cry and drink at the same time and it gives them a chance to calm down.

Tell them their going to run out of tears so they drink the water.

My mom does this at her preschool after awhile the other children start offering the crying child little cups of water.

Stuff like this is also a great test to see if the kid is actually seriously injured! Because with how much some kids cry over tiny bumps and scrapes, it can be hard to tell. But if you slap a Band-Aid on it or give them a cup of water or a piece of candy and they stop crying, they’re fine. If they keep crying despite whatever little placebo or distraction you’ve given them, you might wanna look a little closer at that injury or seek medical attention.

With my two’s class we ask them “more hurt or more scary?” It takes a bit of practice but after a few times they can answer without more prompting. More scary gets a hug and more hurt gets a look over.

That last one is so important because it validates the child’s feelings and tells them it’s okay to have these feelings and lets them learn how to deal with them, rather than just distracting them from them. I also helps teach the child to both communicate their feelings more readily and communicate when they’re hurt more clearly. All really important skills for a child to develop young.
lupin5th: (Default)
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findingfeather:

greenbergsays:

allofmystudentsrunaway:

other parents: how did you do that?

Me:do what?

Other parents: your teenager is eating a salad..

Me:i never forced him eat, now he will pretty much eat anything…except chicken casserole which we both agree is gross

Other parents:we don’t get it.

Me: our only rules are bed at eleven on a school night and don’t hack any important government agencies.

Other parents: you don’t restrict screen time?

Me: you know 95% of kids will self regulate, given the chance?

Other parents: thats not true

Me: have you tried it?

other parents:…but, now he’s reading 1984

Me: he has had a university reading level since he was 12, what am i going to do censor his reading material?

other Parents: what if he reads something you don’t approve of..

Me: i fail to see your reasoning…

Me: you know he cooks too..it’s our mother/son time, we talk about his friends…

other Parents: he talks??

That “he talks??” bit gets me

Yeah, kids talk. If your kid doesn’t talk to you, it’s because of one of two reasons:

You’ve created such a hostile/unwelcoming home environment that they don’t feel comfortable enough to talk

You have signaled to them somehow, some way, that you don’t care about what they have to say. That what they have to say isn’t important.

Kids are not stupid, not at any age level. They pick up on shit and they remember and then when they grow to be teenagers, they know who they can talk to about stuff and who they can’t.

My 13 year old nephew is not particularly affectionate with his mother and he rarely talks to her about anything important, but there are times I can’t get that kid to stop hanging off me and he has those serious conversations with me, like when we discussed his friends coming out to him as bisexual.

It’s not even that hard to make a kid feel loved and welcome. I don’t even know what my nephew is talking about half the time with his games, but they’re important to him, so I let him talk and I make appropriate noises of shock and sympathy when they are needed.

He watches a lot of YT channels, so we’ve discussed the importance of regulating your media, because I don’t want motherfuckers like PewDiePie shaping his world view.

He reads anything from Stephen King to manga and he does that because I’ve been reading him books since he was a baby. I do it with all of my nieces and nephews; when they get school-aged and old enough to read on their own, our “us” time is going to the bookstore and letting them pick out a drink and a book.

Because reading is important to me and I want it to be important to them, too. Now, it’s not something I suggest, it’s something that my nephew asks for.

“I finished my book, Aunt [Dessie], when can we go to the bookstore again?”

And when I tell him a date, I make sure to keep it.

Saying, “You can talk to me about anything” and “you can rely on me” is all well and good, but words are just words. You have to mean it and you have to show them that you mean it.

Otherwise, when it gets to those important moments in their life, they’re gonna shut you out rather than let you in.

Seriously though, you guys. Like.

Here is a secret:

Children and adolescents are actually fucking desperate for adult attention and approval. They really are. Even the ones that have in fact kinda got fucked up so far and have learned that The Only Kind Of Attention They’ll Get Is Bad and so act like shitheads, or the ones that have learned to be inhibited (and it might not even be you who inhibited them, it mighta been their peers or some teacher somewhere, which sucks!) and learned that by showing need they’ll just end up humiliated, or whatever?

Yeah them too.

Kids want to make you happy.

They’re often TERRIBLE AT IT. They’re kids. Their brains don’t work right, their bodies are weird, they have terrible impulse control, horrible deferred satisfaction, they’re shitty at projecting future consequences, and especially if they HAVEN’T been taught they’re probably bad at showing you positive emotions!

They’re BAD AT IT. And they often don’t want anyone to know it. And they’re embarrassed about it.

But they desperately want to. So much.

So one of the most crucial things is:

a) make sure they know how to make you happy. Don’t assume they can figure it out! They probably can’t!

b) make sure that’s something that is literally possible for them to do.

c) make sure, when they do it, that you SHOW THEM YOU’RE HAPPY WITH IT.

It is absolutely ASTONISHING HOW FAST this can create a self-sustaining cycle with the SMALLEST of starts.

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